Your Mama So Fat
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
small objects orbit her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
her Uni graduation photo was an aerial
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
her fave food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellys.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
Yo Moma So Poor
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I went into her 'living room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"
Yo Moma So Old
she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she even made Yoda jealous.
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Anything Yo's - So Old ...
Yo Grandpa so old his social security number is 000-000-001
Yo Priest so old he's got Adam and Eve's autograph
Yo Archeology Professor so old we found cave drawings of her.
Your Wife getting so old she startin to fart out Mummy dust
You Postman so damn old his zip code is 00001.
Yo' geeky Star Wars friend so old he used to baby sit Yoda
Yo Doctor so old he uses chewing gum as a bandaid.
Yo hairdresser so old she used to cut Betty Rubble's hair
You so old you used to gang bang wid the Flintstones
Yo' home helper so old she was once a waitress at the last supper
Yo Grannie so old Spielberg hired her as historical consultant on Jurassic Park
Yo Nana so old she the only Creature in Jurassic Park they never had to animate
You Gardener so old she uses T-Rex dropping as fertilizer.
Yo History teacher so damn old he was co-author of the Dead Sea scrolls
Your Aunties so old that when God said 'let there be light', she was the one flicking on the light switch.
Yo Math teacher so old he baby-sat for Pythagorus
Yo Minister so old he used to get sermon tips from Zeus.
Yo Bookie so old he offered odds of 4 to 1 on Adam eating the apple
Yo Poppa so old and ugly they call him Captain Caveman
Yo sister so old she's more ancient than everything seen on the Antiques Road Show
yo' Mother in law so old she the only one at the old folks home with a senior citizens discount.
Yo' Papa so ancient that Mel Gibson hired him to offer insights on what life was like with William Wallace
I told yo big sister to act her own age...and she died.
You Dog so old it farts out dust.
Yo Boyfriend so old his birth certificate says "Expired" on it.
Yo Computer geek friend so old he used to babysit Pascal
Your Girlfriend's so old, she invented the term 'oldest profession in the world'
Yo' mother-in-law so ancient she's in Jesus's yearbook!
Yo Gardener's so damn old he remembers when the Garden of Eden was just a plant
Yo' big brother so old, he used to run Track with dinosaurs.
Your mother-in-law so freakin old she's got ROman Numerals on her birth certificate
Yo Moma...
has 10 fingers -- all on the same hand.
has green hair and thinks she's a Tree.
has a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.
has wooden boobs and breast feeds beavers
has one short leg and that why she always walking in circles...
has a major weight problem - she can't wait...to eat.
got a house that's so dusty, the Cockroaches drive around in Dune Buggies
got a glass eye with a fish in it.
got so much hair on her upper lip she has to braid it
got so much dandruff that a Midgie landed on her head and said: "Christ, I aint' seen this much snow in years."
got so much hair on her chest that her Breasts remind me of Coconuts...
is a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and so easy to nail...
a hardware store - only 10 cents a screw.
a bus - only 50 cence a ride
a 747 - a 3 man cock pit!
a shotgun - first she cocks...then she blows.
a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet...
a BT phonebox - on every damn corner and costs only 20p a go
an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds
a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!
the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind.
a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.
Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes...it's free.
a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more...
a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.
McDonalds ... Billions and Billions served...
a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.
the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her
a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it
peanut butter -- oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
Yo Momma so Smelly
the government make her wear a Biohazard warning
she made Right Guard call for backup.
even the dogs won't smell her.
an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"
that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...
she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.
her poo is glad to escape.
that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!
that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...
that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...
even sewer rats get outta her way...
that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...
Yo Momma so Dirty
she has to creep up on the bath water.
that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.
that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.
she lost 2 stone after taking a shower
that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.
that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.
Yo Momma so Greasy
Texaco buy oil from her
she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair...
her freckles slipped off.
the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry
she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed
her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.
she uses bacon as a band aid.
Yo mama so fat when she sit down we have to add another country to the map
Rich Milner
Yo Mama so ugly when she was a baby they stuck her in a corner and fed her with a slingshot.
Yo mam so ugly she grabbed for the remote and it jumped off the couch
from Dawn R
Yo mama's like a pirate, there she blows
Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongus, and "OH
MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!"
from Birdie Brown
Yo mama so poor i saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing she said moving.
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so damn stupid on a job application it said "sex" and she wrote Monday wednesday and sometimes friday.
from Iffath Firzana aka Da Sexy Hooka
Paris and Rico walked into the locker room holding his side and bending over. Paris says "ow man im so sore" Dario asks " whats wrong?" Paris replies " man yo mama was rough last night" Rico adds " she needs to loosen up"
from LaL08Kb12004
Yo mama such a dirty whore that they're having to paternity test the whole state of Texas just to find out who yo daddy is!
from HumorSphere
Yo mamma so old that in the back seat of your car, kids don't say 'Are we there yet', they scream, 'Is she Dead yet!'
from HumorSphere
Yo mamas so hairy wen u were born u almost died of rugburn
from Ted M Nugent
Yo mama smells so bad, when she went to make friends with a skunk, the skunk got hit by a truck on purpose!
from Melissa
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and nearly pissed her
pants
Yo mama so fat her logo is "we are family, burger king, mc donalds and
me..."
Yo mama so fat she has all the food caterers on speed dial
from Ross Yates
Yo mama is so big she tripped over wal-mart and landed on target and evey time she passes by the t.v. i miss a seoson of friends
from Yo You Cool
Your mommas so old someone told her to act her age and she died
from MeMe
Yo mama so poor that when i stepped on a cigarette she cried, hey, who turned off the heater.
from Chris Matian
Your sister is so ugly she reminds me of your mom.
from Yosvaldo
Yo mamma so ugly, yo daddy would rather kiss her ass before going work everyday
from Raynell Roberts
Your moms so ugly the mailman mistacked her as the dog.
fromneimanoriginals
You mama so fat she stepped on an airplane and it turned into a submarine
from Spfazzini
This is a fact, yo mama's breath Is wack, she needs a tic, not a tac, but the whole damn pack
I don't mean to be mean, but yo mama needs listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole damn bottle.
from Alyssa Rosemond
Yo Mama's teeth are so yellow, cars slow down when she smiles!
Yo Mama's breath is so bad, she made a tic tac run away!
from Heather
Your jokes are so corny that the corns on your toes got jealous.
Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she was arrested for 1st degree murder.
from Geb Berde
Yo mama like a fast food restaraunt - quick and easy!!!
from Womack
Yo moma is so fat when it rains she uses a highway for a slip 'n' slide
from Michael Ryan
Yo mamma so damn fat that when she traveled back to the dinosaur times and she took a step the dinosaurs said what the hell is happing...oh sh*t its a real damn earthquake.
from Haley Bumm
Your mama so stupid when she saw a kid dress as a devil in halloween she thouth she was in hell
from Big J
Yo Momma's so ugly, even Sloth from the Goonies wouldn't date her.
from Humorsphere
Yo mama like a shotgun - five cocks and shes loaded
from Zane Powell
Yo Mamma so damn ugly she makes Anne Ramsey look like J Lo.
from Humorsphere
Yo' mamma so ugly she got arrested for vandalizing a mirror shop.
from Game Fisher
Yo mama so stupid she put a peep hole in a glass door
from MJ Dennis
Yo mama like nascar - two rubbers and shes ready to ride.
from Nancy Decatur
Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind man cry!
from Gill Gill
Yo mamma so old, fat and hairy, that when she took you to the zoo the zookeepers thought a silverback Gorilla had abducted you!
from Humorsphere
Yo mama so fat, that when u were born, they had 2 send out a search party to find ya!
from jamie p
Yo mama soooo ugly, she works as a double for Saddam Hussein.
from Humorsphere
Yo moma so stupid if she would to speak her mind she would be speachless
PRETTYBOY1008
Yo mama soooo poor she can't even pay attention!
from She Devil
Yo kid brother so damn ugly that the kids at school have started saying, "Hey Gollum, give us your autograph"
from Humorsphere
Yo mama so0o0o fat, one day she walked out with a yellow rain jacket on and the children began yelling, "Hey, the School Bus is here!"
from She Devil
Yo mama so0o0o fat, she takes baths in the Atlantic Ocean
from She Devil
Listen buddy, your mommy is so freakin dumb that if you told her pappa was a rolling stone, she'd tell her momma to put mick jagger on child support!
from Mista Jodyson
Yo Momma so damn fat the Police where going to use her as an emergency air mattress when Michael Jackson started dangling his baby.
from Bubbles, the Humorsphere Chimp
Hey, yo momma so damn fat when her beeper goes off people turn around to see if she is backin up!!
from Mike Whitlow
Yo moma so fat when she wears a yellow rain coat all the people yell "taxi"
from She Devil
Yo mama's so damn fat that when she was kidnapped her face covered every side of the milk carton!
from Dawn K
You so ugly when a friend walked you into school the teachers said sorry no pets aloud!
from TFLM 2000
Your Mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
from TFLM 2000
Yo Mama's so damn ugly that she turned your dad gay.
from Teresa M Malca
Yo mama's so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.
from Teresa M Malca
Hey, your Momma is so sluttie I'd call her a hoe but hoes' get paid.
from B. W. Burline
Yo Mamas so damn greasy that she has to use bacon for a bandaid.
from B. W. Burline
Yo' mama so dumb she got locked inside Matress World and slept on the floor.
from Sergio Aleman
Yomomma so hairy that when she puts her arm to her side it looks like she has Don King in a headlock.
from Sergio Aleman
Yo mama so stupid that she got stabbed in a shoot out.
from Sergio Aleman
Yo mama so fat that when she went to sea world the little kids ran away and told their parents that a whale escaped.
from Sergio Aleman
Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
from Kerry Scott
Yo mama so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.
from Mr Mundotr
Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
from Kerry Scott
Your mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
from AclHug
Yo Mama so damn old she used to Gang Bang with the Flintstones and had an affair with Captain Caveman.
from Jimbo Paul
Yo mamas so fat she shoved a battery up her ass and yelled "I got the Power!".
from CloseToAnguish
Yo mama so stupid and clumsy, she got tangled in a cordless phone.
from WVscrgrl7
Yo mama soooo fat, she put on a yellow dress and the kids thought she was the school bus.
from WVscrgrl7
Yo' Sista's just like a like a Popsicle - everybody wants a fuckin lick!
from Mr Fook Yu
Yo Mamma's so hairy she just got an armpit trim and lost 20 pounds!
from Ms Fook Mi
Yo Moma sooooo ugly, I could have been yo Daddy but the dog beat me under the fence!
from Kelly-Jo
Yo momma is soooooo stupid, she wears a t-shirt that says "hukd on fonicks woorkd fo mi"
from Kelly-Jo
Yo mam like a screen door - after a couple of bangs she tends to loosen up.
from Default
Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!
from Queenb12
Yo mama so stupid she puts a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept
from LowRider
I heard that Yo mama is on the warpath - she lost a finger and now can't count past 9...
Yo mama so nasty when she masterbates, she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.
from A Blanchard
Yo mama's blind and is seeing another man.
Yo mama's glasses are so damn thick she can see into the future.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
You gotta tell yo moma to stop changing lipstick color - I'm now getting a freakin Rainbow on my d**k!
Yo sista so damn stupid on her last job application where it said 'Sex?' she marked "M, F, and occasionally on a Thursday too.."
You' big brother so damn stupid that on his last job application, under emergency contact he put 999 (911).
Yo mam is so stupid - I just aks her about her X-Men and she said: "Well, my first baby's daddy was Jimmy...and I still see Johnny on Fridays...."
Yo Grannie so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
Yo Mother in law's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.
Yo Momma's like a Snickers bar - packed full with with nuts.
Yo ex-girlfriend's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.
Yo mama's like a race car driver...she burns a lot of rubbers...
Yo Auntie just like the Suez Canal - Vessels full of Seamen passing through everyday...
Yo gilfriends's afro so damb big, when the bitch got in my car everyone thought I had tinted windows.
Yo Mama ass so huge she take up 5 rows in the cinema...
Yo Papa's so short, he tried to commit suicide with a pin.
Yo Grannie's so enormous that when she went to the drycleaners to hand in her underwear, they put up a sign - 'NO PARACHUTES ALLOWED'
You Biology teacher so freakin stupid she thinks that DNA is the National Dyslexics Association.
Yo' best friend so idiotic she thoughtt Menopause was a button on her walkman.
You Momma so fat and stupid that her waist is bigger than her I.Q.
Tell Yo' girlfriend my Dog wanna know how much he owes her for last night...
Yo' papa so damn strange that he invented a water-proof teabag.
Yo mother in law so bald that when she put on a sweater, folk thought she was a roll on deoderant!
Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump?
I heard yo house was made out of bog paper - why? cuz your whole family full of crap!
Yo kid brother so fat and ugly Peter Jackson offered him the part of the Cave Troll in lord of the rings
You Nose so damn big that we use yer snotters as Footballs.
Yo Momma so mad that she even made Kurt Russell escape from LA.
Yo Nana so ghetto she washes paper plates.
Oi, yo need to tell you mama to stop wearing the blue lipstick...I got balls like a smurf now!
You so skinny, you turned sideways and disappeared.
Yo mama's so bald, when she braids her hair, it remind me of stitches.
Yo Mama so fat when she steps on a scale it reads "One at a time, please".
Yo mama so fat and stupid that she was fired from Forrest Gump cuz she kept eating the box of chocolates.
Yo Sista so fat the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
Yo Mama so poor that she uses tumbleweed as a Xmas tree.
You Mommy so hairy she's got afros on her nipples.
Yo' mama breath so disgustingly bad that she needs Freshmints with batteries in it
Yo Papa's like an old arcade machine - toss in a quarter and you can play with his joystick.
Yo mama such a bitch, she interned for Clinton.
http://www.humorsphere.com
